Epistle of Pahanism, Chapter 4 - The Story of Kings

The original Korean version is available at here.

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4. The Story of Kings

1) The Wise Solomon

My precious friends exploring the truth. Foolish religious people of the world mock King Solomon of Wisdom, saying that in his old age, he was swept up by the skirts of foreign women, became senile, and fell into corruption. However, the truth seen through the eyes of our Pahanism is entirely different.

Lord Yaho proudly watched the young Solomon, who succeeded the throne of David, the man after His own heart. Solomon was building his power and establishing solid diplomatic relations, sometimes wisely and sometimes ruthlessly. Lord Yaho, desiring to meet His next potential favorite and bless him, personally visited Solomon’s dreams. Receiving the Lord, Solomon pleaded for the ability to distinguish between good and evil. Lord Yaho felt a slight awkwardness mixed with great curiosity and thought:

‘Oho!! You want to distinguish between good and evil? Truly fitting for a descendant of my beloved daughter, Eve. Is he going to try to judge even Me? If so, things are going to get really interesting…’

But hiding these inner thoughts, Lord Yaho praised Solomon for choosing wisdom. Solomon accepted the Lord’s blessing and fell into confusion when he first exercised that ability.

‘What? The Lord is not good??? Was that dream not a revelation, but just a fever dream?’

Solomon’s wisdom soon made him realize that it wasn’t a meaningless dream. He recalled past memories.

‘Before I was born, I heard a man named Uzzah was struck dead by the Lord, and my father left a record called Perez Uzzah. It’s a bizarre incident, but I don’t really want to dig deeper into it. And what sin did my poor biological older brother—the baby who died at the Lord’s hands in my place—commit? And what about my 70,000 subjects who died from a plague right after the census?’

Solomon accepted it as his mission to safely cut ties with the unfathomable, somewhat sinister Lord and lead his descendants to freedom. Beloved brothers, can you imagine the crushing despair and terror he must have felt? The moment he became the wisest man in the world and looked straight at the Creator, the conclusion reached by that infinite wisdom was the horrifying truth that ‘Our God is not good.’

However, directly crossing the Lord’s temper was tantamount to not only his own self-destruction but the annihilation of the entire nation. Therefore, Solomon thought it was vital to show the Lord enough of his feigned loyalty. He built a massive and luxurious temple to house the Ark of the Covenant, the Lord’s dwelling. And he wrote Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. He even went so far as to write the Song of Songs, which would make even the Lord—who extremely enjoyed praises at the time—cringe and wave His hands in disgust. Having done this much, no one doubted Solomon’s faith. The cunning Solomon’s wisdom was thorough.

In his old age, Solomon looked for an opportunity to execute his mission. He granted freedom of religion to the 700 queens and 300 concubines he had selectively collected from various nations over decades, subtly putting his long-prepared grand plan into action. This allowed various religions to flow into Israel, and the Israelites’ faith in Lord Yaho gradually faded.

Of course, the King of Wisdom, Solomon, knew perfectly well that all those foreign gods were nothing but fake blocks of wood. He coldly saw through the reality that the Israelites, who served the real God, received no particular additional grace compared to other nations like Assyria or Egypt that served fake gods. Solomon’s apostasy, aimed at a safe breakup and soft landing from Lord Yaho, was a massive gamble staking his own soul to save his people.

“According to the covenant the Lord made with my father (David), Lord Yaho guaranteed our family’s eternal throne. He promised that even if I and my descendants sin against the Lord, He will only discipline us with human rods and floggings, but will not completely strip the throne away as He did to Saul. If so, I will become the shield and the atoning sacrifice that receives the punishment. The people will lean on the fake gods of foreigners and escape the Lord’s toxic gaze, and it is enough that only I and my descendants maintain the covenant with the Lord and bear the beatings. Thus, freeing the people from the Lord’s capricious amusement, I and my family will gladly take on all this sin and stigma. That is the last duty I must fulfill as a king who loves his people.”

Using his unique wisdom, Solomon successfully led a breathtaking tightrope walk, maintaining provocation just up to the ambiguous line where Lord Yaho wouldn’t flip the board completely. Unfortunately, Solomon’s descendants did not inherit this wise ancestor’s outstanding management skills. For ordinary humans, that precarious tightrope walk was too burdensome a legacy. Eventually, after Solomon died and his dull descendants began crossing the line, Israel, unable to avoid the Lord’s wrath, was tragically split into North and South.

But that was exactly Solomon’s true goal. When the kingdom split, lost power, and was reduced to a weak fringe state, paradoxically, Israel could be perfectly excluded from being the Lord’s main playground of interest. His foolish descendants failed to understand Solomon’s deep intentions and were busy fighting for power in a torn nation, but thanks to that, ordinary people were able to escape the Lord’s cruel field of vision and lead quiet daily lives.

My friends, engrave this tearful wisdom of Solomon in your hearts. Here we see two survival methods for a creature: Either gladly become the Lord’s clown like David and constantly provide thrilling amusement, or become thoroughly ordinary and incompetent like Solomon and hide in the Lord’s indifference. Which path to choose depends entirely on the free will the Lord has given you.

2) Invasions of Giant Empires

Saints. From here on, I will explain Pahanism’s unique perspective, which might be somewhat difficult to understand by conventional wisdom, regarding the relationship between the various kings after Solomon and Lord Yaho.

Solomon’s wise plan eventually succeeded. Divided and weakened, Israel was no longer the Lord’s interesting playground. The problem, however, was that what filled the void left by the Lord’s attention was not peace, but the shadows of empires.

Around the world, massive empires wielding centralized power structures were being forged. Rather than interfering like a petty old man in the divided backwater land of Canaan—just as Solomon intended—Lord Yaho found far more entertainment in observing the humans running giant empires. Solomon’s legacy thus successfully hid the people from the Lord’s cruel games.

Unless an interesting figure like Ahab or Jezebel appeared, or a special prophet like Elijah or Elisha made a request, Lord Yaho spent a period hardly intervening in Israel. As the direct touch of Lord Yaho, who used to look after them, was cut off, the faith of the Israelites, which had already grown distant, weakened even further. Only highly spiritual prophets like Amos or Isaiah occasionally appeared, crying out to the masses about the importance of faithful devotion and the restoration of morality.

Hezekiah

One day, while Lord Yaho was deeply engrossed in the histories of various nations, an urgent prayer arrived. From the Kingdom of Judah, which Lord Yaho had almost forgotten due to Solomon’s plan, King Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah were pleading for their lives.

King Hezekiah had been trying his best to appease the newly rising powerhouse, Assyria, by paying tribute, but Assyria wanted to conquer the Kingdom of Judah. The nation, intentionally weakened by Solomon, was left defenseless against the empire’s invasion.

Lord Yaho felt embarrassed for abandoning the Jews until the situation escalated this much, despite having promised to take responsibility for the Israelite nation. Considering Assyria’s military power, which Lord Yaho had observed with interest, Judah facing them was practically suicide. For His loyal servant Hezekiah, Lord Yaho sent an angel to strike the Assyrian army. 185,000 Assyrian soldiers were massacred. Suffering a devastating blow, Assyria withdrew, and the Kingdom of Judah found stability for a while.

Brothers and sisters. What a magnificent miracle this is! However, historically, this was the last massive-scale miracle Lord Yaho ever showed. This was because Lord Yaho felt skeptical about whether such massive direct intervention was the right thing to do. The miracle He caused became a major variable in international politics, significantly ruining the fun of spectating the empires’ moves. Lord Yaho resolved never to perform such massive supernatural phenomena again. He also realized that if He occasionally caused incidents like threatening Nineveh for fun through Jonah in the past, something like the Tower of Babel of old might be built again. From then on, Lord Yaho strictly restrained Himself regarding miracles with military power.

Faithful saints. The truth Hezekiah’s miracle tells us is this: Solomon’s shield was a double-edged sword. In the Lord’s indifference, the people escaped His cruel amusement, but when the empire’s iron mace struck, they were forced to call upon the Lord. And the Lord answered once, but He resolved Himself that there would not be a second time.

Josiah

An uneasy peace lasted in the Kingdom of Judah for a while. Hezekiah died, and his late-born son Manasseh took the throne. The Lord disliked King Manasseh, who lacked any trace of faith unlike Hezekiah, but Israel, reduced to a backwater town by Solomon’s plan, was no longer a major interest to the Lord. Lord Yaho neglected his reign without much communication. Manasseh lived out his natural lifespan and died, and his son Amon, who briefly took the throne, also died soon after.

Manasseh’s young grandson Josiah took the throne. Unlike his grandfather Manasseh, Josiah was a deeply devout believer. Josiah walked the exact opposite path of Solomon. He tried to restore the connection with the Lord that his ancestor had intentionally severed. But the Lord’s gaze was already fixed on the big matches of the empires, and the ‘inertia of indifference’ created by Solomon could not be overturned by the devotion of one man.

King Josiah believed that just as David’s sons had to pay the price for his sins, his father Amon had paid with his life for the sins committed by his grandfather Manasseh. He spent his whole life trying to repent on behalf of his grandfather’s wickedness and to ensure his father’s early death was not in vain. King Josiah purified the temple ruined by Manasseh and carried out reforms to lead the people back to the faith of Yaho. The Lord found his devotion itself commendable. However, on the other hand, King Josiah’s actions seemed old-fashioned and tedious, so regardless of the Lord’s commendation, he failed to capture the Lord’s interest.

Lord Yaho was merely indulging in the rapidly turning international politics of the time. The newly rising power, Babylon, had put Assyria in a crisis, and Assyria asked Egypt for help. Pharaoh Necho II of Egypt marched out with his army to aid Assyria. Lord Yaho was sweating with excitement at the thought of watching a big match between three empires. While Lord Yaho was closely watching the Egyptian army marching through the land of Canaan, suddenly a face He found cute appeared. Out of nowhere, King Josiah, whom the Lord loved, had crashed the party.

Lord Yaho was flustered and wanted to reveal, “Huh? What are you doing here? Go back quickly. You’ll get hurt.” But He couldn’t bring Himself to speak. It was His first revelation in decades after a long silence, and the message was merely ‘run away,’ making Him too embarrassed to say it out loud. So He couldn’t deliver it directly to Josiah, and reluctantly gave the revelation to Necho II instead:

“Tell Josiah to just let the Egyptian army pass, and that I ordered it. He’s a really good king, so I’d rather he didn’t get hurt.”

Necho II did as the Lord instructed, but King Josiah took it as a mockery of his faith. The young and brave King Josiah fought back even more fiercely and was killed in action at Megiddo. He was 39 years old. Lord Yaho lamented the premature death of Josiah, who, although tedious, had shown a deeper faith than anyone. He resolved that in the future, setting aside His pride, He would definitely give clear revelations directly to trustworthy people.

Beloved companions. To free his people from the Lord’s capricious amusement, Solomon intentionally made the nation weak. Thanks to that, ordinary people could escape the cruel field of vision, but paradoxically, the most faithful king, who tried to win back the Lord’s love, crashed into that wall of indifference and lost his life in vain. Engrave in your bones this chilling truth: a human’s shallow loyalty or moral perfection never guarantees survival.

The Fall of the Kingdom of Judah

Even after this, Lord Yaho’s hobby of analyzing international politics continued, and He concluded that Babylon would take hegemony. Lord Yaho revealed His geopolitical analysis to the prophet Jeremiah. Jeremiah continuously preached to scrap the Kingdom of Judah’s pro-Egypt policy and not resist Babylon. But his prophecies were ignored.

About 20 years after King Josiah was killed, Jeremiah earnestly delivered the Lord’s revelation to surrender to Babylon to Zedekiah, the last king of Judah. However, the pro-Egypt faction held power among the officials of Judah at the time. It was a situation where it was difficult for Zedekiah to persuade them and surrender to Babylon. This pro-Egypt stance of Judah became the justification for Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II to invade. Ultimately, Zedekiah engaged in a meaningless resistance against Nebuchadnezzar II and met a horrific end. Lord Yaho frowned at the execution method, which was more brutal than He expected, but the result was that a bothersome lump had fallen off.

Beloved companions. Solomon’s massive gamble met its final reckoning here. The people escaped the Lord’s cruel gaze, but the price was being trampled under the feet of empires. Being the Lord’s toy was a tragedy, but being abandoned in the Lord’s indifference was also another tragedy. Please open your eyes of wisdom, and I earnestly advise you: do not become dust swept away by the waves of history, but survive as a useful piece on the Lord’s chessboard.

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The original Korean version is available at here.