Epistle of Pahanism, Chapter 3 - A Man After the Lord's Heart
David, the ideal king of Israel. Through the lens of Pahanism, David is not a blind believer, but the ultimate adapter and survivor who constantly generated narratives to appease the whims of a ruthless God.
The original Korean version is available at here.
3. A Man After the Lord’s Heart.
Faithful saints. How can we earn the Lord’s favor? Being faithful to the Law merely saves us from the Lord’s punishment; that alone is not enough to receive the Lord’s full love. In the Book of Samuel, a figure named David appears, described as a man after the Lord’s own heart. By looking at the life David lived to please the Lord, we may gain at least a faint clue on how we ought to live.
1) The Enthronement and Fall of Saul
From the time of Moses to Joshua, the Lord thoroughly enjoyed a bloody bloodbath, and finally permitted the Hebrews to settle. Thus began the era of the Judges in Israel. Surrounding nations constantly harassed Israel with small armies, and every time, Lord Yaho produced heroes like Deborah, Samson, Jephthah, and Gideon as Judges, feeling amusement in watching them defend against the enemies.
Then one day, through the Judge Samuel, the humans demanded a king from the Lord. Lord Yaho was initially unenthusiastic. If a king intervened between Him and the humans, how could He directly rule the Israelites? Furthermore, was there even a human fit to play king? These two problems troubled His mind. As the humans’ demands grew louder, the Lord anointed Saul, who was the most usable among the Israelites at the time, and made him king. Since Saul didn’t exactly fit the Lord’s taste, the Lord decided to try His hand at crafting a proper king.
About 9 years after Saul was anointed and enthroned, Lord Yaho finally had the wife of Jesse conceive David, whom He poured His heart and soul into creating. Saul only needed to hold the throne until David was ready to receive it. However, for David to succeed the throne, a justification that humans could accept was necessary. So Lord Yaho issued various commands that were difficult for Saul to keep. When Saul failed to keep them, He had Samuel declare Saul’s dethronement.
Saul did not lose his faith, repented, and constantly begged the Lord for forgiveness. But to give David the justification to succeed the throne, the Lord completely ignored his repentance and contrition to the very end. When Saul committed no further notable wrongs, Lord Yaho, just as He did to Pharaoh in the days of Moses, sent an evil spirit to harden Saul’s heart. Tormented by the evil spirit, Saul committed various atrocities. The more atrocities Saul committed, the higher David’s justification for succeeding the throne rose in the eyes of the people. But the good-hearted David couldn’t bear to kill the Lord’s anointed, Saul. So Yaho sent the Philistine army to drive Saul to his death. To ensure David couldn’t refuse the succession, He also caused the death of the noble Prince Jonathan, David’s beloved friend and the first in line to the throne.
Beloved brothers and sisters. What virtue should we learn from this event? It is exceedingly difficult to turn back the Lord’s mind once He has made a decision. Therefore, no matter how desperately we desire something, if the Lord does not desire it, we must let it go and submit to the Lord’s disposal without making excuses. Because Saul could not do this, he suffered a miserable death along with his flawless son.
2) Perez Uzzah
When the cursed, temporary time-buying King Saul died, David soon defeated external enemies, went through minor civil wars, and took the throne from Saul’s house. Having caught his breath, David led a force of 30,000 men to Baalah to bring the Ark of the Covenant, Yaho’s dwelling place, to the City of David. He was transporting the Ark, which had been kept in the house of Abinadab in Baalah for 20 years, on a cart. But suddenly, the oxen pulling the cart stumbled, and the Ark on the cart was about to fall to the ground. Lord Yaho was watching the scene with thrilling anticipation.
“Heh. Just let it drop. Cherubim! Quickly gather here with your flaming swords. You can leave Eden empty for a moment. It’s party time soon. Wait, where did I put my hellfire? Should I use a plague?”
Lord Yaho was rummaging through His armory, recalling the time He struck down 50,070 people in Beth Shemesh just because they peeked into the Ark’s atonement cover.
But Abinadab’s son, Uzzah, committed the blasphemy of grabbing the Ark with his hands to prevent it from falling. Lord Yaho hated Uzzah for interrupting His long-awaited joyful sword dance. Lord Yaho struck him down. Uzzah burst and died, and David was angry.
It is unclear whether David’s anger was directed at Uzzah, who brought death upon himself by daring to touch the Ark, or at Lord Yaho, who killed a man over such a trivial matter. David named the place ‘Perez Uzzah’ so that people would remember Uzzah’s death. Whether the name ‘Perez Uzzah’ was meant to publicly humiliate the blasphemous Uzzah, or to mourn Uzzah’s sacrifice while resenting Lord Yaho, only David himself and Lord Yaho knew. He then decided not to bring the Ark to Jerusalem and left it in the care of a man named Obed-Edom who lived nearby.
Beloved brothers, how dare a creature resent the Creator and abandon His holy relic at someone else’s house? This is a blasphemy an ordinary human could not even imagine. But this was exactly David’s special trait. Lord Yaho thought, ‘Oh ho, look at this guy? Did he just land a counterpunch on me?’ As expected of the Lord’s ultimate masterpiece, David was creating unpredictable amusement.
Lord Yaho wanted to keep David, who provided Him with great joy, close by. To lure David back, Lord Yaho bestowed blessings upon Obed-Edom, who was keeping the Ark. Hearing news of the Ark’s blessings, David changed his mind and decided to move the Ark to his city after three months.
This time, to avoid wrath, they didn’t use a cart; people directly carried it on their shoulders. When the Ark entered his city, David danced bizarrely, half-naked, in joy. He had practically abandoned the Lord’s house to someone else due to Uzzah’s death. Under the pretext of repenting for that irreverence, he offered a bizarre clown’s dance, throwing away even a king’s dignity, prostrating himself naked. That ridiculous sight suited the Lord’s taste perfectly. David’s wife, Michal, oblivious to her husband’s inner terror—fearing the Lord’s punishment—despised the sight. This offended David, and Michal never received David’s love again.
Beloved saints. Remember this desperate survival instinct of David, who danced like a clown, abandoning even a king’s dignity to live. Before the Lord, petty pride or human dignity is of no use. I urge you to engrave deep in your heart this chilling truth: only those who thoroughly ruin their image to amuse the Lord can survive.
3) Bathsheba
Michal suddenly became a living widow, but David had nothing to regret. He had countless women he loved. Moreover, if any woman caught his eye, he took her without hesitation. To avoid breaking the law against adultery, he simply needed to increase the number of queens or concubines. David fell for Bathsheba, the wife of his loyal general Uriah, and made her his own.
In the process, Uriah was eliminated by borrowing the hands of the enemy during a war. Lord Yaho was appalled by his atrocities but could not give up the ‘man after His own heart’ He had so painstakingly acquired. As punishment for his sin, the Lord struck the first baby born to David and Bathsheba. The baby suffered for a few days and died. While the baby was sick, David fasted and repented before the Lord, but the moment the baby died, he nonchalantly returned to his daily routine. To his questioning servants, he replied, “He’s already dead, will crying bring him back to life?” Brothers, what a perfect and terrifying resignation this is! This bizarre survival instinct of immediately adapting without lingering on what the Lord has taken away is the very reason the Lord cherished David so much. The Lord even felt a bit awkward, wondering if He had just killed an innocent baby for nothing.
However, while forgiving David, who always brought great entertainment, He prepared another interesting event disguised as punishment. The message was delivered through the prophet Nathan:
“The sword will never depart from your house.”
“Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight.”
First, a fratricidal war broke out between David’s sons, Amnon and Absalom. Then, with Absalom’s rebellion and his heinous acts, all the Lord’s prophecies were fulfilled. Many people suffered, but from the Lord’s perspective, it was a highly entertaining period. Absalom, too, resembled his father and had enough talent to earn the Lord’s favor, but his rebellion grew too large. So both could not be saved, and Lord Yaho had to choose David between the two.
To the aging David—a creature who gave Him greater entertainment than even Jacob—Lord Yaho sent Abishag, a young and beautiful Shunammite woman, as a final gift. She attended to David with devotion until his last moments. Even after that, the curse did not end, and there were conflicts between Adonijah and Solomon over Abishag, though it ended somewhat lamely compared to Absalom.
My beloved friends, what does this desperate history tell us? The romance that started from lust for Bathsheba, and the spectacle of family members wielding swords against each other. To our eyes, it was a tragedy too painful to watch, but to the Lord, it was the greatest reward presented by an outstanding creature named David.
Now I want to ask you. How is your life right now? Are you an unpredictable, thrilling spectacle capable of soothing the Lord’s fathomless boredom? Or are you just a boring extra whom no one would miss if you were swept off that massive game board today?
Please, do not be afraid. Rather than being trapped in blind goodness, constantly generate narratives like David, survive desperately, and capture the Lord’s attention. That is the only way for us to gain eternal life on this ruthless and magnificent board of amusement. I earnestly pray in the Lord’s name that all of you become the most interesting toys, fit for the Lord’s heart, from which He can never take His eyes off.
The original Korean version is available at here.